Oh Boy, Oh Boy!

Oh Boy, Oh Boy!


Why is this duck smilin' and laughin'?
Well, wouldn't you?

Back in the day, I used to have dozens audio files; probably more like hundreds. One would think at my age, I wouldn’t find them quite so funny anymore. WRONG! For those of you that remember, enjoy. For those of you that don’t, welcome to my pervo sense of humor. Odd that Angela didn’t find this funny, but thought her “got a surprise for ya” dealio was…. Anyhow.

Speechless - Well, not really

Ok, I have HAD IT.

What the fuck is going on in this country that Bill Clinton was nearly impeached for a blowjob, but GW, Rove, “Scooter,” and scariest of all, Cocksucker, er sorry, Dick Cheney have barely suffered the slightest of damage (except to their reputations, and even that is questionable) for no-bid contracts, flat out lying, leading some bizarre, never-in-a-million-years-could-it-be-justified war in Iraq, and supporting torture by CIA agents. But then Bush says it’s not that he’s really supporting torture, it’s just that he doesn’t want detainees to know what they cannot be subjected to. Excuse me, WHHHHHHHHHHAATTTTTTTTT????!!!!!!!!?????????

Ok, but I can even deal with that, given the utter lack of intelligence they have collectively and their genuine disregard for so many things American. I could go on, but this is probably a post for a day when I can be more organized and actually link you all to some of the shit these idiots try to (and most often do) get away with.

But what I can’t understand is the argument for “intelligent design.” And I’m not only picking on Kansas, cuz Bob “Bobblehead” Taft and cronies in Ohio also led a similar piece of shit legislation to allow this garbage to be taught, too. I’m not picking on people who choose to believe it, just don’t pass it off as science. Unless, of course, these same morons are willing to let me come into their churches and teach science. You can imagine how well THAT proposal would go over.

Whatever – I could write 30 pages on my utter disgust and disbelief for the whole anti-intellectual movement this country is migrating toward (or have we already arrived there, as I strongly suspect and fear?) but remember folks, anti-intellectualism usually breads fear, and fear breads nothing but paranoia, distrust, and all sorts of other unpleasantries, not the least of which is fascism.

I’m not saying that the people that lead the country or want to teach creationism ARE fascists (they’d have to have understand the word and be able to spell it first), only that each successive step they achieve, even though the steps are probably not intentionally some widespread master plan, I AM saying that I simply cannot believe we’re going back 50+ years in our thinking. Think McCarthy-style paranoia and witch hunting, only instead of relatively high-profile political figures, Big Bro is going after private citizens [think I’m kidding? Check out the Electronic Frontier Foundation’s insights on the PATRIOT act (and yes, PATRIOT is actually an acronym… go look it up online sometime)]. Scary stuff.

Ok, well, this has been horribly disorganized, but please, for the love of Country, next time you vote, read up on your candidates a little more, and if you don’t vote, you should be locked in a cage with a history book until you understand how important it is.

Done.

Tonight's post has been brought to you by the Constitution of the United States of America, which has apparently been completely forgotten by (or unknown to, as the case may be) our leaders.

Lightsabers, Star Wars, and Me

About 10 years ago (side note: it is truly insane that this was 10 years ago… I can’t believe it), I was dating this absolutely great girl. She shares a name with a famous 70s rock singer, who, coincidentally, now happens to be very popular among gay men, or so I understand. She looked absolutely nothing like the singer (thankfully), but definitely had her attitude, sarcastic style, etc etc. We're still close friends, and she still cracks me up.

But, as usual, I digress.

Let me back up a couple steps. For those that don’t know, I have, unfortunately, a pretty damn hairy chest. If I had the money, I’d have it all lasered off, but that shit is NOT cheap and it IS painful (yes, I know from experience, which is a post for another time). Anyhow, bottom line is, Chewbacca and I probably share some DNA somewhere along the line. I’ve finally learned to live with it, but for a long time, I was exceptionally insecure about it, and it actually probably contributed to my (oh, boy, confession time) late loss of virginity.

At one point while C and I were together, she was staying at her cousin Patty’s house. Patty was a big, beautiful woman. Well, actually, she wasn’t that beautiful, but she was certainly big and hilarious, and had an infectious laugh, and had boobs big enough that she could have shared them with like 3 women, seriously. And in Patty’s house, C and I did it in almost every room (or at least that’s how I like to remember it). It was definitely a good part of my life. And, surprise, again, I digress.

C had a son, K, about maybe 20 months old during this part of our relationship (no, not mine, for you inquiring, gossipy little bitches). And on one particularly awesome, beautiful summer day after work (C and I worked together), I was holding her son while we were getting ready to go outside. I only had on a t-shirt, typically hot, humid summer Cleveland day. It dropped down a little bit, showing off the oh-so-sexy chest hair, and K just grabs a fistful, looks up at me, then C, then Patty. He smiles really big, like he’s about to say something really declamatory and important, and says (are you ready for this?):














“DOGGIE!!!!”


Needless to say, all of us were laughing, them at me, me at myself out of sheer embarrassment. Alas, this has become quite a good memory over the years.

So, yeah, that didn’t do a whole lot to make me more secure about my chest, but you know, it’s pretty damn funny looking back.




To the whopping 3 or 4 people that actually read this shit, have a great weekend, and I'll see you all at Christmas.


Tonight’s post has been brought to you by Jessica Alba.